The Social Experiment

Okay. This may seem completely unethical on my part, but I did something that I don't plan on doing again. I created a fake male profile on the dating website that I use because I wanted to get some answers to some of the questions that I had: is it just as difficult for males to talk to females, as it is for me? I consider myself to be attractive, so I chose an attractive guy, not one who would be considered super super hot. Wow, I actually said that.

As a male, girls treat me differently. I messaged the same people that weren't talking with me and some that were and I got different responses. I'm still being ignored by a lot of females that I've messaged, which may lead me to assume that most females are very picky, but I also get a bigger more immediate response from those said few who are responding. Some of those that didn't respond to me when I was being myself, responded to "him". I can't help but wonder if most of the girls that are responding to me as a male are just more friendly than those that haven't responded at all. I mean, could it be possible that they're not messaging me more frequently because "I'm male", but simply because they feel like it? At the very least, I discovered that there is a lot more to this than I thought and I learned more about some of those that were ignoring me. Particularly, there is one girl that made plans with me, but has not responded about her "schedule". I messaged her as a guy and she told me/"him" that she always has free time. Not to mention that she likes males more. I've asked a few girls about this and, so far, I have received very generic bisexual responses: "50%-50%", "I don't have a favorite", "I like both", "It all depends", etc. This has been the social experiment and, I must say, I feel like I have accomplished a bit more than I expected. I am still very dissatisfied that there are so many girls that do not respond at all, but at least I can say that I learned from doing this :) I plan to delete this profile very soon. Now, I see how generalized this experiment was because it all depends on the person. Who's to say that some males aren't like this and a lot of females aren't like this? Everything depends on the meticulous, small and insignificant points of that person's dominant characteristics. I can't be that one-sided.

On the positive side, I have a date with someone tomorrow and I'm really excited about it. The instant we began talking I immediately liked her a lot. She gives off a very "feminine" (whatever that means, right?) and pleasant energy. I haven't been on a date in a few weeks, so this will be fun.

I filed a police report against the girl that stole my I.D. It's been almost a month and I'm thinking this is not cool. There is no excuse for this behavior. Hopefully, the police will deal with the entire situation because I have no idea how to handle it other than this. I don't even have transportation to get to her apartment. If I did I would have already tried that. So, I can safely say that I have learned from this experience and I will never ever hand over my I.D. to anyone that I don't know closely. Especially someone I'm dating. The more experiences I have, it seems the less trusting I become of people. I am cautious a lot of the time, but I'm not super careful when it comes to these things and I should be. I understand that.

I'm growing tired of the online game. For the past few weeks I've been "living" a lot more than I have in a while. Summer is here and I want to be actively participating in this life of mine. I don't want to deal with the bullshit of talking to people who give a shit less about me. What time have I for that?

Frustration

I feel like I have completely lost all faith in dating websites. That may sound silly to someone who has had a lot of experience with this or someone who has already figured this out, but I'm beginning to feel this way. Why are females so fake? Is it so difficult or unbearable to be honest? Why does every girl I speak to shy away with the least bit of frankness?

With men, it was soo much easier starting conversations and getting to know them. They seem much more easy going and simple-minded. Always without the meticulous complexities that I have found in females. What's the deal? Do guys have this same problem when it comes to dating females? Should it really be this frustrating?

For the past 2 months I have been on several dates with quite a few girls, but now there's nothing. It's like I'm suddenly completely unappealing to every girl that crosses my path (or in this case, profile). I feel like a phony whenever I send someone an online message because it seems to me like I can't simply say what I'm thinking without making an idiot out of myself. I have to be casual and a little misleading. I don't lie by any means, but to put it frankly, I don't think I can be completely straightforward without scaring everyone away.

Although this has caused me much discomfort and irritation, this is something that I still want to do. That is: encounter romance with a female, even though it wont be serious involvement. Share feelings with that person and discover the differences between female and male communication. Answer questions that I have: could I fall in love with a female just as easily as with a male? Or is the only attraction I have to females of a physical nature?

Well, I'm beginning to see just how annoying all this has become, so I think it's safe to say that I'm taking some time to not worry about it. I will probably come back soon to update my blog on a few of the dates that I've been on. Till then -

Peace ☮

Reasons

Perhaps I have it wrong, but I don't recall ever giving credit to why I have started this blog in the first place. I don't know if anybody cares enough about my experiences to read this, but I will explain anyway:

I started writing a blog because I thought this could really help me through a challenging point in my life. I don't have it all that bad, to be honest, but I'm always learning something new and things happen everyday. Since I began dating females, it inspired me to put my thoughts and experiences into words so that others can see what it's like. Maybe someone, somewhere understands the frustration that I'm going through with it and care enough to explain to me what I'm doing wrong. More than anything, it always helps to rant..even though some people don't like reading a whiny blog that someone whips up for their own sense of self satisfaction.

I have been talking with God only knows how many girls, yet not a single woman has arose. It's terribly disappointing that nothing has been consistent in my dating life. I had one sustaining date, but she stop calling and picking up the phone for reasons I can't explain. Should I just stop looking for a while? What I want from a "dating companion", so to speak, is someone to talk to and get to know, someone to debate with, someone who wants to randomly take drives to go sight seeing, or go to the movies, go swimming or just make drinks at home, someone to kiss and hold hands in the park with..nothing serious, but always romantic and willing to communicate her feelings with me. Is that a hard thing to find? I hope not.

I have come to realize that everyone is looking for something in their life. Whether that be a friend, a lover, a husband, a boyfriend, a "dating companion", or a threesome - I'm starting to think that humans are never satisfied. I mean, I am perfectly content with my life. I find happiness and joy in doing simple things like laughing with friends, taking baths, going for walks, swimming and getting sun burned, reading, writing and watching movies. I am not a particularly difficult person to please, but at the same time I am human and I do find myself aspiring for things just like everyone else.

It may sound selfish to some people, but I want to learn more about myself and I would like to have someone help me do that ~