Farewell to Summer

Goodbye Summer. How I will weep for you. I still can't believe it is ending so soon. Well, I love Halloween - so, in a way I still feel happiness regardless of the time of year. I can't deny that Summer is my favorite though. I need to decide something: What am I going to do this Halloween? Since my Summer was a little drab and [short], I think this year's Halloween should be good. I rather adore Samhain =D

I have a list already made up of movies that I should watch to make my autumn nights a little more "chilly" >:-D Here is a list of some of the scariest movies I've watched:

1. Psycho (1960)
2. The Changeling (1980)
3. The Ring (2002)
4. The Orphanage
5. A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)
6. The Innocents (1961)
7. The Devil's Backbone (2001)
8. The Haunting (1963)
9. Pulse (Kairo) (2001)
10. The Grudge

By the way ~ Master of Horror: Alfred Hitchcock & Guillermo Del Toro

I'm Still Alive!

I am still very much alive, but with little to report. I have been spending my time with the few friends that I have, my family, reading books & school. I am really enjoying the new Fall Semester and I have discovered the will and motivation within myself to do an outstanding job with my grades and my work. This is my plan and what I want to do the rest of this year. I have a 3.0 and it will only get better this semester :D

Well, I have not been on a single date in the last few months. It's gotten ridiculous, although I haven't looked for a date in months, I am having so many financial problems because financial aid is not being reliable. In fact, there is still LAST semester's financial aid to receive. . .how ridiculous is THAT?

I would LOVE to report more, but I have not looked at this blog in a month or so and I wanted to make a post: For all who many be interested (if there are any yet) - I have not abandoned my blog.

:)

Men Scare Me.

So. . . .I have realized, due to some further observation and testing, that I am utterly not ready for a relationship, nor am I in any comfortable position to date a man/guy/boy. Why? I ask myself. I don't know. Perhaps because I am still in a personal search for my own enlightenment and growth. How am I to feel capable or to claim even the slightest bit of adoration for someone, when I know I have yet to claim that for myself? Perhaps, this is simply because I was going through the process of "mourning" from my previous relationship and I interrupted my progress when I got committed again with my ex. Or, maybe I'm just not ready for a relationship due to many different things.

Honestly, I wish I understood this more. .

Like White On Rice.

This is interesting. I decided to do a little test. I posted an ad on a personal's website and within an hour of that post I received 10 replies all from guys trying to take me out. Here are the results:

- A guy named Ricardo who lives very close to my town "I have a good sense of humor and am a good listener."
-Someone named Jeff who lives about 45 min. away "I'm a pretty normal guy and somewhat of a geek"
- A guy named Paul, didn't disclose his location "im a little insecure right now"
- Andy, user name "Optimus Prime" (seriously?), didn't disclose age or location "looking to enjoy my summer and meet new friends"
- John, "Please call me -"
- Rod, 26, very near to my town "this date would be on me of course. ;-)"
- Matt, 35, "would you be intersted?" although he includes no information about himself. .
- Anonymous from my area "Hope to hear back"
- Anonymous, "I'm nice looking, in good shape, clean and disease free"
- Anonymous guy, "tall, attractive, older male, who gets along very well with younger people!" (Wow, I feel like I could be his granddaughter)

I wasn't able to find pictures on any of their emails, but a few. Physically, they're not what I'm looking for, not that I even felt I was going anywhere with this. I was testing the waters - seeing if anyone would respond. What mystifies me the most is that these guys don't even know what I look like & yet they jump on the "non-serious" status like white on rice. What if I was a chubby 28 year old with two kids? Would they be so interested still? Or do most guys just take what they can get? Am I generalizing?

Either way, I'm happy to know that I am learning new things and that I can get a date with a nice fellow if I decide to get out there ;-)

Still "Bi-curious"

OOookkkayy! I'm going to do it! I think I have decided that I want to date a guy. My curiosity for girls and getting to know them (not to mention dealing with all the drama and games involved) can only last so long. I still want to figure out where I stand on sexuality, but for now I just want a few dates with a cute guy ;-D Is that shallow? No, because that is just what I want right now for this moment. That's okay because I have never done this before. This is the first time I have dated anyone without the intention of a serious romantic relationship.

Any questions..?

It's A New Day ~

Hello all, whom it may concern. A lot has changed within the past few days! I'm so excited because I'm learning a lot about myself, even though it is not all positive things, but I'm beginning to grow and come out of my slump where I felt "stuck".

I decided that I wasn't going to waste anymore energy on someone, who obviously is much more interested in herself, trying to make her a true friend. If I can't rely on her than that's all there is to say. I adore her and I sincerely hope that we will always know each other and grow from one another, but there are needs that I have that I simply don't see her fulfilling. That may have sounded utterly inappropriate, but really what I mean is that some of the things that I expect from a friend - she doesn't supply. I posted an ad online and I've gotten some responses. I even went to the Steve Miller concert on Saturday. It was fantastic! I wasn't even aware that I liked Steve Miller so much before this concert. He's an activist!

So, this girl that I met is great. We have quite a bit in common and she's fun to talk with. I'm manifesting a friend for myself and I don't know if this is the one that I'm looking for, but time will tell when it's right ;-]

A Summer Disappointment

Man. I have been a little isolated for the past week or so due to some health issues that arose. I haven't been able to get out and go jogging or go swimming, which I find to be very enjoyable during the summer weather.

Now that I'm out of my slump I'm so looking forward to what I might do this Summer, after all, I've been manifesting that this will be a great Summer. So, for the past few months my friend and I have been planning to get together with another friend of mine and go to the Lake and have a BBQ and swim. I was especially excited because it wasn't just going to be the three of us, she was also going to bring her brother and her brother's boyfriend (they're both really cool). It's very hard for her to make a solid plan and because of that it's been taking a while to sit her down and talk about what we can do. The more that I've gotten her to talk with me about it the more that it sounds like she's not even going to go. I don't understand why. When we first talked about it - she was all for it and she seemed really excited and that made me so thrilled! Then she told me, which she hadn't mentioned before when I told her that I wanted her brother to come, that she wouldn't feel comfortable, nor would she attend if her brother was. I was confused. Tonight we went to the park and practiced some yoga and meditation and I was able to talk with her about it. She seemed to be a little unsure at first, but then she made it clear to me that she doesn't even "do" what I have been wanting us all to do. HOw could she not just tell me that before? Why didn't she? She doesn't "mix" friends and she refuses to go with her brother.

I had this dream for the summer...to gather with a small group of people that I really adore and just have fun at the Lake! Now, I'm thinking that it wont even happen. . . If it does it wont be the same without her.