I Figured It Out!!

So, I finally understand what has created so much frustration from the dating scene: Women are shallow! I'm generalizing, obviously, but I'm 100% sure that this is why I have not been getting responses. It's disgusting that all these girls think that they're fooling me. At this point, I have heard all the excuses! I'm not dealing with that anymore. I've decided that this is my life and I know what I want out of this experience. Why play around and try to be honest with people that aren't opening their minds enough to consider my feelings? I'm no liar, but if I'm going to continue playing this dating game I've got to play it right.

This may not sound ethical to some people, but it makes perfect sense to learn how to do it from all this experience. I'm still not quite "back" in the dating world, because I haven't seen someone in a few weeks, but I do plan on getting back out there within the next week or so.

Just for a laugh, here are some of the excuses that I've heard in the past:
-"I met someone and I connect with her better than with you"
-"I'm in Texas!"
-"Work is so crazy right now!"
-"I had strep throat for a week and couldn't answer my phone!"
-"Oh, my internet has been out!"
-"I'm visiting with my family. I'm sorry I haven't seen them in so long"
-"I'm moving"
-"I have no time!" & "Life is so busy right now" etc. etc.

A Question On Love

As I have taken such a drastic step back from being involved in romantic relationships I have began to really wonder about something:

How is it possible to truly love someone completely and without fault? Sure, in relationships, you gain your companion's trust and respect is earned, but is that true love? How can one person establish such a true relationship with another? How do you love someone for everything that they do and "are" as well as what they bring into the relationship? What makes a true love relationship any different from a common everyday relationship, such as a Mother, Father, or even an acquaintance? Why can't we, as human beings, share more of our love with everyone, instead of just that one person whom we consider to be a "soul mate"? This is not to say that I am speaking of polygamy (not that there is anything wrong with polygamy), by any means, but I am talking about all kinds of love for everyone. Yes, everyone. Is it possible that this true love is really a focus for all of that love that every human being has for everyone, unknowingly? There's a big part of me that doesn't want to love someone more than anyone else, even at 13 I never thought that idea was very fair.

The question is: how would I gain that balance, but still find that person that I want to spend the rest of my life with?

. . What?

What is going on? I met a girl that is very obviously interested in me & we've been seeing each other for a few months now. Suddenly, after one hell of a great night, I forget me I.D. at her house. When I realized that I had forgotten it, I almost thought nothing of it because I was sure I had nothing to worry about. Then, I found myself calling her for weeks with no response. Even leaving messages to let her know that I had forgotten it. Finally, she gets back to me with this bullshit story that I can't possibly believe, but I figure I really like her so I'll give her another shot anyway. I was curious to see where it would lead. We went out twice after this incident and I felt that everything (whatever had occurred) was going back to normal. She made no mention of feeling uncomfortable or angry with me. This is precisely why I am so confused because her calls have ceased (even though she told me she would call about a week ago) & she no longer responds to my messages: What could I have possibly done to make her angry with me? She always seems very enthusiastic to see me and spend time with me, not to mention her very flirty demeanor ;) I don't understand what it is that's bothering her. I don't know her very well, but it seems to me like she is the type to speak her mind. Why wouldn't she just tell me..instead of making empty promises?

I'm beginning to feel as though I am very tired of dating females. To be honest, the more time I spend with females the more I long for a male -_- Is that just what I am comfortable with? Is the obvious annoyances of female drama extracting me away from the desire of further exploration? Everyone has a different experience with females and males - this is because we are all different people and we meet different people...but obviously something is not fitting with my experience. Every girl that I have enjoyed seeing didn't seem to have the desire to continue seeing me. It was always different with guys...every guy that I enjoyed spending time with I spent more time with. There were no games (not usually).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed all the dates that I have been on & if I could find someone to date consistently, I would be ever more interested to meet her, but for now I'm beginning to lose hope of that happening (again?). I didn't really accomplish some of the things that I was looking for, which is why I'm a bit disappointed. I was hoping to: connect with someone intimately (not necessarily "romantically" which comes with the feelings and all), really get to know some people, spend time and have fun, find romance and test some of my boundaries which may, or may not be, creating a "comfort bubble".

Well, at the least, for now I have accomplished one or two of the above :)

I don't think I want to date guys though. Even after all this trouble, I still think I'm not comfortable with dating males just yet. I miss being romantic with a male by all means! I want a male in my life more than ever now, but I don't want to be serious with anyone right now and dating a male would threaten that wish, I'm sure of that.