My First Date ~

My date canceled our plans, but it's alright because we made new ones for later this week. I went swimming with a few buddies & then I came home and watched movies with a good friend of mine. So, it was actually a good day, regardless that some plans were canceled.

~
I didn't realize that I was "bi-curious" until a year ago when I started dating a bisexual guy. I found out, from his myspace page and, being the very curious and open-minded individual that I am, I asked him about it. I was very pleased to have met someone who could speak to me about their feelings for both genders, considering that I have always been curious about the idea. I was able to talk, openly, with him about other males & females. It was absolutely fascinating to me. So, I suppose, it was during that time when I came to realize that, I too, have always had an attraction to the same sex as well as the opposite sex. Needless to say, almost a year later I broke off our relationship due to personal reasons, but we are still great friends. After this break-up I discovered my desire to experiment and learn more about the attraction that I have for women. I want to stay out of a relationship while I work on myself, but until the time comes when I am truly ready to be with someone, I have decided to date females. I have not been dating males simply because I don't want to fall in love & I'm not ready to.

I never thought that dating females would be as frustrating as it has turned out to be. Every girl that I talked to, via an online dating website, seemed very flaky. To be fair, 75% of the people I messaged didn't even get back to me & those that did made it so difficult for me to talk with them that I only met a small handful of those individuals. With men, I would have been getting dates left and right & I don't say that out of arrogance. I say that out of experience. It took me a month or so to get my first date. Finally, when I did get a date she had been the one who emailed me. She blatantly asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee/tea sometime and I was excited that someone was asking me out! Before this, I had plans with another girl, but she was so busy that the plans were a ways in advance. I wanted a date for the meantime and I got myself one.

She had a strange name and I suspected that it wasn't her real one. On the phone, she wasn't as friendly as she was on the site and she seemed very awkward. We went to a small cafe here in town and she bought me a tall iced mocha. We made small talk and I learned a little bit about her. It was probably on this first date, sitting at a small table in tiny chairs, with a female who was half my size was when I realized that I have not been comfortable in my own body for a while. Regardless, I managed to feel more confident about myself than the vibes that I was picking up from her. She seemed so unsure of herself and very awkward somehow.

I made her laugh a few times, but mainly, it seemed that I was breaking her out of her reservations little inch by little inch. I couldn't understand how she could possibly behave so hesitantly and awkward when she had asked me out. There wasn't a lot of interest between the two of us at all - in fact, I knew that I would never hear from her again. I had come to the conclusion, by the end of it, that I was just glad to have had the experience regardless of what form it was going to come in.